As you may know, Maddie and I turn twelve tomorrow. Exciting, right? I mean, it’s not my thirteenth birthday, and it’s not my first year in double digits, but it’s…nope, nothing special about twelve. Anyways, I’m getting wiser every year. This week, I’m going to give you parents a hand since I’m practically a sage these days. I’ve decided to write a post titled ‘How to Talk to Your Tween‘. (Initially, the post was called Talking to Your Teen before my mom helpfully pointed out that I am not, in fact, a teen. Thanks, Mom.) So without further ado…
First off, I get that you could literally google, “Why won’t my kid won’t talk to me” and get professional advice on how to communicate with your teenager tweenager. I get it. But I’m here so that you can hear it from my teen tween perspective. So to start off, I’m going to tell you the main reason tweens won’t talk to their parents, even if you think you’re being non-judgemental when you talk or discipline your kids, they might think you are. If they mess up, you’re disappointed and they know it. Now, it does mostly depend on the kid, with most teenagers, they clam up when they hear you’re-in-so-much-trouble tone or the what-did-you-do glare is thrown their way. They either feel guilty or they feel like “it’s-not-my-fault!” Actually, even if they should feel guilty, they’ll probably play the “I didn’t do it” script. They do that because they somehow think that they can get out of trouble by lying to you because that always works.
When you want to talk to them, your kid has to feel comfortable, otherwise, you’re good as shut down. Here’s a scenario; Makayla gets home from school, and Mom asks how her day was. Makayla says, “Fine,” and heads to her room to do homework. Mom comes in and asks if she wanted to do something for dinner and Makayla responds with, “Nope. Homework.” Mom sighs and rolls her eyes. Do you see how Makayla might think that Mom is exasperated at her? Plus, preteens just don’t like talking.That’s the other problem with talking to teens. They just don’t like talking. Again, your’s may be different, but most people ages thirteen to seventeen are really, really into one-word answers. Most parents get frustrated or upset when their preteen won’t give them real conversations. That’s why the kids don’t want to talk. They love you, and they don’t like seeing you upset or disappointed, as much as it might seem otherwise.
Next time your preteen doesn’t want to talk, think about something they like to do. Maybe offer to take them to dinner and have a conversation in the car. (I know I talk easy after I have steak in me. Ice cream helps, too…) Or do something personal, like go to their favorite sports team game. Granted, that’s probably not the best place to have a conversation, but there’s always the car. Just remember that your kids all love you, and they want to talk to you. All you need to do is help them be comfortable.
As anti-cliche as that may seem, sometimes the best way to talk to your teen is to not talk to them; all you have to do is let them know you’re there. Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s enough for anyone.
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